OK, we all know about Chris Berman and his corny yet oh-so-genius nicknames (like Lance “You’ve Sunk My” Blankenship, Oscar Azocar “Named Desire,” and Ross “I Never Promised You A” Baumgarten). And we all know how ESPN feels about hockey (like, “Oh yeah, that sport we no longer acknowledge since they left our network”).

So allow me to fill the void (Phil DeVoyd?) with my own silly nomen-play-ture. And please send your own suggestions my way.

Curtis “Glengary” Glencross

A.B.C. Always Be Checking.

Martin “You Dirt” Erat

Not laughing hysterically? Say it aloud, in your best James Cagney gangster voice.

Korbinian
“Take Off You” Holzer

Apparently there’s no truth to the
rumor that
Kevin
Shattenkirk
had a linemate
in Juniors named Lenny Spocknimoy

...although I did find this picture on the Web, so apparently someone has a sense of humor as warped as mine.

Anton Stralman

...The Sausage King of Chicago?

Michal Rozsival
“Ashore, Halelujah.”

OK, this one’s really obscure, if you’re not a fan of 60’s folk music or Negro spirituals.

Chuck “A Boy Named” Kobasew

The Man in Black...and Vegas Gold

How do the Flyers come up with this endless stream of  tough guys? I mean, they seem to do it...
“Time And” Tye McGinn

Travis “Black Snake” Moen

An image every bit as creepy as
the movie that inspired it.

Cal “I Can’t Believe It’s Not” Clutterbuck

Tomas “Mike & The” Plekanec

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me skating?

if you’re as old as me, you may remember

Curtis “Split” Leschyshyn